


Because of You

by PaxieAmor



Series: Portal'verse [3]
Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Self-Insert, Tissue Warning!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-20
Updated: 2012-05-20
Packaged: 2017-11-05 16:32:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/408573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PaxieAmor/pseuds/PaxieAmor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She said she wanted the day alone; Phil wanted to know why.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Because of You

Sarah Stark sings when she thinks no one’s watching. She’s admitted this much to him before; Phil Coulson remembered the day they were trapped in Tony’s secret elevator at Avengers Mansion. She didn’t think she could sing, but from what little he’d heard of her, Phil thought she sang just fine.

He didn’t realize until a few weeks later that she hadn’t been really singing that day. When she _really_ sang, it was something beautiful.

It happened on a day that she was alone at the mansion; Sarah had been spending less time there alone for security and public relations purposes, but one day, she insisted that she needed alone time.

“I don’t care if you have people staking out the house,” she said. “I just need a day to myself, _somewhere_.” The discussion on where “somewhere” would be took about an hour; Phil wanted it to be SHIELD, Tony wanted it to be Stark Tower and Sarah promised them that if they didn’t stop arguing and just let her stay at the mansion, she would run away tomorrow and the day after, her exploits would be on the front page of every newspaper in the _country_.

Two minutes later, it was decided that the best place for her was the mansion, with a pair of SHIELD agents in a car outside.

The Avengers promised to leave the mansion around 8am and not return until around 6pm, giving Sarah the full day to herself. No one asked why she wanted the day alone and she didn’t offer any explanations. Phil couldn’t help noticing that regardless of how open she could be at times, there were some things she kept hidden deep inside her; things that were hurting her.

Phil could have used this to justify watching Sarah on the Avengers Mansion security feed that day, but it would have been a lie; he was honestly just curious as to what she planned to do by herself all day.

He accessed the feed shortly after 9am and found her in the kitchen, baking. This confused Phil, as she could bake with the Avengers around. But there she was, listening to music over the speakers throughout the house while mixing up something red in a bowl. There were three pie plates on the island. She was making pies, obviously; what kind, Phil didn’t know yet.

He thought maybe the pies were supposed to be a surprise for the team and was about to switch off the feed when the song changed. That’s not what caught Phil’s attention though; it was the way Sarah tensed when then music began to play, as if she knew the song within those first two notes. When she started singing, Phil knew that was exactly the case.

“I will not make the same mistakes that you did. I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery.” Her voice was softer than he’d ever heard it before, filled with more sorrow, more _hurt_ … “I will not break the way you did, you fell so hard. I've learned the hard way to never let it get that far…”

He watched her roll out a small bowl of pie crust dough into a circle, using enough force to go straight through the sphere with the rolling pin, flattening the dough completely against the island. If she rolled it any thinner, he’d be able to read a newspaper through it.

“I lose my way and it's not too long before you point it out. I cannot cry because I know that's weakness in your eyes…” He wished he didn’t see the tears running down her cheeks. “I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh every day of my life. My heart can't possibly break when it wasn't even whole to start with!”

Phil wasn’t a baking expert, but thanks to his mother, he knew enough to know that she’d basically just ruined that bit of dough; she’d have to scrape the dough off and reform it before she could try rolling it again, and over handling would make the pie crust tough rather than flakey. Sarah probably knew this, but that didn’t stop her from rolling the crust into oblivion as she continued with the song.

“I watched you die, I heard you cry every night in your sleep. I was so young, you should have known better than to lean on me. You never thought of anyone else, you just saw your pain… and now I cry in the middle of the night for the same damn thing!”

Phil’s eyes widened as Sarah swiped her arms across the top of the island, knocking the pie plates and her bowl of red filling onto the kitchen floor. She took a step back before falling against the refrigerator, crying bitterly.

“Because of you, I never stray too far from the sidewalk. Because of you, I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt…”

She wrapped her arms tight around her legs, burying her face into her knees. It did nothing to muffle her voice.

“Because of you, I try my hardest just to forget everything. Because of you, I don't know how to let anyone else in! Because of you, I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty… Because of you, I am afraid…”

Sarah stopped singing; she sat where she was on the kitchen floor, crying bitterly. Phil sat at his desk, just watching her, not knowing what to do; if he rushed over there, it would be admitting that he was spying on her. If he just left her there, who knew what she might do next.

“Paxie!” Phil’s eyes widened as Tony ran into the kitchen and gathered the crying girl into his arms. “Honey, are you alright?” She nodded, hugging him back. “What’s wrong…?”

“I was going to surprise Steve,” she said. Her words were garbled by the tears she had cried, but Phil was still able to understand her. “He said he liked Strawberry Rhubarb pie and we had the stuff for it, I don’t know why… but then that song came on and…” She wiped her eyes furiously, but tears continued to fall. “It was _his_ favorite too… and the last time I made it, he didn’t even say anything… just ate it, like it appeared out of nowhere…” The ‘he’ she was talking about had to be her real father, Phil realized. He was slowly gathering more and more reasons to dislike this man. “I’m sorry, I just…”

“Don’t,” Tony told her, kissing the top of her head. “Don’t you dare apologize for getting upset…”

Phil turned off the feed and deleted the recording; this wasn’t meant for his eyes or anyone else’s. When he gets a text from Sarah later that day, inviting him to dinner at the mansion, he offers to bring dessert.

_That would be awesome, Phil! What were you thinking? –Sarah_

_I know a place that makes a really good Strawberry Rhubarb Pie; it’s Captain Rogers’ favorite. –Coulson_

_Ha! You have no idea how perfect that is! Thanks, Phil! –Sarah_

He never tells her what he saw that day and if he takes his job as her handler a little more seriously after that, no one asks him why. Sarah notices though, and always makes sure to thank him. Normally he would say he was just doing his job; for Sarah, he always says “You’re welcome”.


End file.
